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17, Dunman High.I am Hibari Kyoya's one and only love. :) Hello I'm a relatively good girl. I have a thousand and one eyecandies. I am a glutton, I eat my veggies but not fishballs nor fishcakes. I like chocolates and gummies and I adore babies and toddlers. Frequent sugar rush! Behind the scene
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Friday, July 6, 2007 @ 12:22 AM
Okay, shouldn't be here.Just couldn't sleep not knowing that my Photoshop'd be alright. Dang the trial. Well, there's been a change for me. Kinda drastic, yeah sort of. No more six months, we're officially through. The funny thing is that till now, there haven't been a single tear drop from my eyes. Normally i'd just break down right away that night & cry crazily, but hell no, till now, s'been 3 or 4 days already i guess, not a single drop of tear. I don't know, immune to the pain? Maybe. Or maybe i'm just too engrossed in schoolwork & other things to think about it. But nonetheless, even when i think about it, i don't cry. Of course i'm pretty upset over it, i still love him. But it's just.. Weird. Oh & it's back to my loner life, having recess & lunch in class. Well, welcome back to the life, kinda used to it anyway. Something else i observed. Realised these few weeks are really suicidal moments. No not only for me, for some other people around me as well. Last week i was practically wandering around like a walking zombie, & being a humongous crybaby. I was seriously, swear i've never been that serious before, feeling utterly suicidal. The whole time i'd be thinking of the best way to die & that it'd relieve me of my miseries and all that. Until i realised i was too much of a coward and was afraid of the pain & gory. Blood all around would be like, yuck. Well anyway, yes that was last week. But this week i got on pretty well, not knowing why myself either, yeah. Seriously something strange is going on about me. Anyway, i still think of him occasionally, or maybe all the time. Maybe it's because i've never ever pictured myself without him by my side before, and it all came too fast. I just wanted him to know that whatever i did, i gave my heart and soul. It wasn't really about being possessive anyway, if you listen to a girl's point of view about that. "It's my fault that i made you feel insecure, i wasn't a good boyfriend, sorry & i'd make it up to you, i promise." Something i thought was right that i heard somewhere, though i don't quite like the promise part. But anyway, just a girl's point of view. Personally. & just to let him know, if he ever gets to read this post anyway. I'd always be there for you, whenever you need me. & really, although it's over between us, i'm still holding on to that hope down there, hoping someday.. Who knows, now we're looking into the future. But anyway, since you're moving on, there's really no point for me to stay put at where i am. Still gotta move on with life, & that's what i'm doing. Or maybe trying to catch up with you. Step by step. Okay, i don't know why this post seems super sober but yeah, told you i'm not really in my right mind anyway. "Hellooooo, my name is Pussy and i love my boyfriend Dick!" :} |